wrigley field is MILF paradise
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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