I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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