shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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