Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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