why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
