it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
