I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize