This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
