i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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