I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
