I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize