Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had sex on a roof
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
