Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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