i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
