I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I only lived at night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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