if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
