Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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