so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
