Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
