Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
