I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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