Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
false alarm, still single
Randomize
