god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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