Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
