made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
