You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
