Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
