If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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