What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
