I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
