Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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