She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
