I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
