So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
