Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
