I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we're making bets on your personal life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
