I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
