How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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