I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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