yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
