I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
