Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
