I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
