my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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