Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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