i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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