i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
