So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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