To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
