there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
