MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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