Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
