i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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