ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
