I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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