Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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