Already got asked if we're dating
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
