My first STD was from a foam party
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She bit a glass in half.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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