that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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