you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
