Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
