I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dignity is for republicans.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize