I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
