i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i will never coherently bang her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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