'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize