hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
