Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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