great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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