I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
