i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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