That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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