Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Can I color on your dick again?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
