You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
