sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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