I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
