hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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