His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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