My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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