she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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