very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize