Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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