i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
