I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
